


Forever Yesterday

by F0XW1LD



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drama, F/M, Female Harry Potter, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Male Hermione Granger, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:06:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24330289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/F0XW1LD/pseuds/F0XW1LD
Summary: The wizarding world celebrates the end of the Dark Lord, but the troubles are just beginning for Jamie Potter. No matter how far she goes, she can't outrun her past.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
Comments: 31
Kudos: 76





	1. Prologue

The atmosphere was cheerful and festive for the first time in forever. Paranoia and tension had hung over the entire school year, and the Last Battle had nearly torn Hogwarts down to its foundation a month prior. But now, people were starting to come to terms with some crucial truths: Voldemort was dead; he would never come again; and his death had come at the hands of the one who had banished him so long ago - the Girl Who Lived.

The fête was being held in the newly repaired Great Hall. It helped convince everyone that things were already far on their way back to normal. Hermes Granger turned away from everyone and hid a grimace. The attempt was sweet, really, but he couldn't quite get in the spirit of things. If he closed his eyes he could almost smell the smoke curling through the air, hear screams echoing over the Hogwarts green.

A voice broke him out of his reveries. "Hey stranger."

He turned around and a smile immediately flew to his face. "Katie!" Katie Bell looked wonderful in a sparkly red dress and her hair in curls. A bandage curled around the entirety of her left arm and her collarbone was dark purple, but she looked happy. Hermes started to reach out to her and stopped himself. They had barely spoken since a year ago, when they-

A flash of understanding crossed her face, and to her credit, she didn't look offended. She smiled at him and offered him a hand. "Were you planning on staying by the wall the whole night, or could I tempt you into a dance?"

"I can't recommend it. You'll be lucky to escape with a few broken toes," he said ruefully. But he took her hand.

Katie led them through the chaos of dancing couples, found a suitable spot in the middle of the dance floor, and leaned in close. They began swaying together.

"That's not what I've heard," she said. "The word around the castle is you're a rather considerate partner who's researched a dozen dances. Besides, you don't have to worry about me. I'm light on my feet."

Hermes blushed. "That's an over-exaggeration, and - hold on, there's 'word around the castle' about **me**? And how would anyone know? There hasn't been a dance here since the Yule Ball!"

"And you made quite an impression," she replied calmly. "Learn to take a compliment, Hermes. You'd think I insulted you, the way you're going on and on."

"I don't go 'on and on,'" he said feebly, knowing quite well that he did have a penchant for going on. He pondered what the girls at the castle could have said about him - he'd never been a popular boy, and the news that there was anything positive attached to his name was creating cracks in his world view. His thoughts raced back to the pretty girl in his arms, and the wonderful way her body felt pressed against his, and -

His eyes leapt to meet hers when he realized what she had done. Her eyes were sparkling with mischief. "You did that on purpose."

"'How to break Hermes out of a self-induced anxiety spiral' was the first class I attended when we started going out, way back when," Katie replied, her face breaking into a grin. "I was a very dedicated student."

"Who'd teach such a class?" Hermes asked.

Katie tsk'd. "Quick lesson - the only girl you should talk about right now is the one in your arms."

Hermes grinned back at her. "Sorry, sorry. Anyway - I was obsessing before you pulled me here. Thank you." Instinctively, he leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cheek, barely grazing the corner of her mouth. Katie shook her head, grabbed his tie, and pulled him in for a proper snog. When she finally released him, he could only blink.

"Oh," he said breathlessly.

She laughed and grabbed his hand. "Come on, Granger, let's go get some butterbeer." Once again, she dragged him through the host of bodies and to the refreshment stands. Hermes looked at their destination and bit back a groan. Was he ready for this?

"'lo Katie, Granger," Ron said around a mouthful. "The tea sandwiches are incredible."

"Ron. Looks like nothing's changed."

"Aren't you so glad you came back to Hogwarts, Katie?" Hermes said in a deadpan. "The sight. The sounds."

Katie smirked and passed a mug of butterbeer to Hermes. He sipped at it for want of something to do - conversation with Ron was not high on his list of things to do, especially in the mood he was still in. Luckily, Ron was still busy eating and Katie was content enjoying her drink beside him.

The peace didn't last as more Gryffindors gravitated towards their impromptu gathering. Ginny, Neville, Dean and Fay joined them in pairs. And as it often happened when lions gathered, the mood turned loud and celebratory.

Ginny raised a mug and everyone followed suit. “Can you believe it? It’s finally over. To a year without worrying about Dark Lords."

"To never waking up again with a Dark Mark flung over a loved one's house," Neville said.

"To having a normal life, with ordinary jobs and normal, ordinary children," Hermes said. He paused as a trio of tittering fairies flew past his face, fighting over some enchanted garnish. "Well, maybe not _too_ normal."

"Hear, hear," they echoed, and drank.

Ginny placed a hand on Hermes' arm. "Speaking of normal, are you coming back next year? I know you and Jamie didn't get to have a school year and NEWTs are important to you."

"You didn't have a great year yourselves," Hermes replied. "I haven't decided, but-"

"Please," Ron interrupted. "Granger, miss a chance to take exams? He'll be back to mothering fourth years in no time. You can bring out his reserved seat in the library, now that anything that could keep him from the love of his life is gone."

The ribbing was nothing new - Ron had always been a right git - but this time the words seemed to find their mark. Hermes' face flushed in anger. Before he could say anything terrible, he felt a familiar touch on his arm. The tension flew out of his body. He knew who it was even before she started speaking.

"From what I've heard about your NEWTs, Weasley," Harriet Jamie Potter said, "you should have spent a little more time in the library yourself."

"Who asked you, Potter?" Ron replied, his ears turning red. "Why don't you stick your opinion where-"

Dean jabbed an elbow into the redhead's side and hissed in his ear. "You can't say that to the _Spellfire -_ um, the Savior of Britain!"

An uncomfortable silence fell over the crowd; Dean had never been good at an inside voice, and his words had carried across the entire group.

Jamie looked at Katie and gave her a tight smile. "Would you mind if I stole Hermes for a few moments? I want to have a word."

"Wait a moment," Hermes protested loudly. "You don't have to ask her for permission, I'm my own man!"

Katie winked at Hermes. "Go ahead - don't keep him too long."

And against his exaggerated protests, Hermes was being pulled back through the crowd _again_. Jamie maneuvered him to a corner of the room, where there were fewer prying eyes nearby. He could still feel the gaze of the crowd on them, an inescapable presence whenever he was with the Girl Who Lived.

The Girl Who Lived. It was only a few days since the Last Battle, Hermes mused, but Jamie was already starting to gather a dozen new nicknames, ranging from obsequious to demeaning. None of that mattered, of course; he would always know her as his oldest friend Jamie.

Finally, they came to a spot on the dance floor that Jamie deemed acceptable. She started to step closer, but Hermes grabbed hold of both shoulders and kept her still as he gave her a once over. She was in a green sleeveless sheath dress that matched the brilliant shine in her eyes more than her house colors. Her messy black hair was tamed, for once. Her arms and neck and face were still covered with bruises that had been covered magically, he could tell, but she was healthy otherwise. She was alive.

He breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Do I pass your inspection?" Jamie asked, a twinkle in her eye.

"Shut it," he muttered. "You'd never even take a Calming Draught if I didn't force it into you. I don't know how you're going to survive out there in the real world. If you had your way, even if you had one foot in the grave, all you'd say is-

" _'_ **I'm fine __** _,_ '" they chorused together, then laughed. She fell into his arms and they started to dance.

"You and Katie, huh?" Jamie teased.

"Oh shush," Hermes said, blushing. "She's just being nice."

"Mhm. 'Nice.'"

A comfortable silence fell between the pair as they danced to the music.

"So, Ms. Girl Who Lived, we made it," Hermes said.

Jamie raised an eyebrow. "Please, get with the times. I hear they're calling me the Spellfire Bitch now."

Hermes sniffed. "No. Uncouth. Ms. Heroine-Slytherin-Lady, we did it. How are you going to celebrate beating Voldemort for the final time?"

An expression he couldn't recognize crossed her face, but it was gone in a flash. She smiled easily. "What do you think I'm doing right now?"

That would thrown anyone else but him off the trail. So many people viewed Jamie as an inscrutable dark witch, but he knew every one of her expressions, her mannerisms, and especially her penchant for self-sacrificing secrecy. He took a closer look at his best friend. Jamie was agitated over _something_.

"Jamie, what Is it?" he asked. "What aren't you telling me?"

She shrugged and looked down. "I just don't feel like celebrating."

His eyes softened. "I get that."

They swayed to the music for another few blissful moments, but something about the exchange kept needling him. The way she avoided his gaze reminded him of all the times when she'd try to hide her true feelings from him. Her abusive childhood had burned self-preservation behaviors into her that the years in Slytherin only reinforced. He hated that he couldn't help her out of it, could only be patient and wait.

"I can't wait to find mum and dad over the summer," he said - _shouldn't dwell on how that will go -_ "and of course, we'll see everyone every month in London. It'll be nice to see what everyone will be choosing to do after their years here."

Jamie gave an unladylike snort. "Please. Did you **dream** that I'd be welcomed at your get-togethers? Half of them are scared of me, another chunk of them barely tolerate me. Ron Weasley hates my guts."

"He just hates Slytherins. He has nothing against you personally." The answer sounded weak even to his ears.

Jamie shook her head. "The only reason Weasley pretends to tolerate me around you lot is because of his sister, and I know you're smart enough to know that. Really. 'The brightest wizard of our age', and you need _me_ to point that out to you?"

He lightly shoved her shoulder and she punched him back. He clutched his arm and pretended to be deathly injured. She giggled, hiding her face in his shoulder.

The mood between them was more cheery now; perhaps now he could get whatever it was off of Jamie's mind? She had a tendency to let the weight of the world crush her shoulders if he let her stew. He took her hand in his and rubbed soothing circles to the back of her palm.

She sighed happily. She murmured into his shoulder, so quietly that he had to strain to hear her over the sound of the music - "I'm going to miss this."

He pulled her away from him so that they could see each other. "What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," she said quickly. "I didn't mean anything."

"Harriet Jamie Potter, don't try that with me. What are you talking about?"

Jamie looked away. When she met Hermes' gaze again, he was shocked to see tears welling up on the corners of her eyes. "I have to go. It's - it's been amazing. You've been lifesaving. It's been - but I have to go."

Hermes opened his mouth and closed them again, speechless. When he found his voice again, the words came out faster and louder than he expected. "Jamie, if you think I was by your side through a year of hell just to let you walk away-"

"I love you," Jamie said.

Hermes frowned, thrown by the non sequitur. "I love you too, you big idiot. You're like the sister I never had. That's why whatever you have going on, we'll face together. As we have for **everything**."

The music had stopped at some point and the band was addressing the audience. People were cheering and laughing around them. To Hermes, it all faded away. All that was left in the room was the girl standing in front of him - his partner in crime, his best friend, the person he couldn't imagine his life without.

Jamie smiled, but her tears continued to fall. She raised his hand, still clasped in hers, and placed it on her heart. He could hear the beating of their hearts, painfully loud.

_Thump-thump._

"Hermes," Jamie said softly.

_Thump-thump._

_"_ I love you like your mother loves your father. I wake up every morning feeling love for you, and I fall asleep every night thinking of your love."

_Thump-thump. Thump-thump._

"I love you more than I have the words to say."

_Thump-thump. Thump-thump._

"I love you enough to know that you don't feel the same way. I love you enough to let you go - to let you free."

_Thump-thump. Thump-thump._

She smiled at him through her tears. "Thank you for the dance, Hermes. Thank you for - everything."

_Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump._

He could read in her eyes what she was going to do before she even started moving. Still, for reasons he himself couldn't explain, he did not move as she stood on tiptoe to kiss him.

Her lips were soft and gentle as they pressed on his. His body felt like it would explode out of his skin, like an electric bolt had struck him from head to toe. The kiss lasted only seconds, but it felt like the world - a world that was crashing down around him.

She stepped away from him. He was shocked to realize he was crying too. Something was being lost, here and now - and they both knew it.

Jamie grazed his left cheek with the back of her hand, wiping away the tears.

"Goodbye, Hermes," were Jamie's last words to the man she had lived with, bickered with, cried with, laughed with, danced with, played with, studied with, and fought together with for all of her life.

Then she disappeared.

At first, no one noticed or cared. Only a few students and teachers had even noticed that the Savior of Britain had just gone missing. Hermes stood in shock, unable to accept that she was gone.

 _She must have cast an advanced Disillusionment Charm, or something that made her invisible_ , Hermes thought, his mind racing for answers. _Everyone **knows** nobody can Apparate from school grounds, it's in _Hogwarts, a History -

As if to mock his thoughts, a delayed **pop** echoed through the Great Hall, overwhelming all the conversation in the room. It was the telltale sound of an Apparition. Murmurs sprang out from all corners of the room, interrupted by a horrendous ripping sound that reverberated through the air. People fell to the floor, clutching their ears - Aurors leapt to their feet, still on standby for the fighting that had only ended scant weeks prior -

and Hermes collapsed to the floor, his legs no longer cooperating with him. The chaos and confusion raged around him, but all he could do was stare at where Jamie had been in disbelief. Tonight he was supposed to celebrate the end of years of battle. Instead he had received the greatest sorrow of his life.

What was he supposed to do? What was he supposed to do without her?

~*~

Jamie appeared in a restroom stall in the middle of London, away from all inquiring eyes. She stayed there for a few moments, trying to gather her senses. She let herself cry in privacy. Then, with robotically short movements, she partitioned the past from her mind. She removed the Disillusionment Charms from her luggage and reached in to find something more comfortable to wear. She did _not_ want recent events to slow her down, but here she was dilly-dallying.

 _How can you consider yourself a Slytherin,_ she berated herself, _if you can't detach yourself from dumb emotions and do what must be done?_

When she was presentable once more, she stepped out of the restroom and into King's Cross station. She unlocked the restroom door and removed the 'Out of Order' sign hung on the front. A few bystanders looked curiously at the young girl who had stepped out of a restroom no one had seen enter.

She checked her watch and saw that it was now ten thirty. _Thirty minutes early_ , she mused. She mingled in with the crowd and made her way over to Platform 10.

She sat down on a bench, but she dared not relax. Despite herself, she could feel tears start to well up behind her eyes once more. She shook her head furiously.

 _Get a grip, Potter,_ she told herself. _This is for the best so get used to it right now._

Her inner voice was not cooperating. From where she sat, she could see the pillar to Platform 9 and 3/4. Just her luck.

The memories rose up within her unbidden. So _much_ of her life she owed to the man she had left crying in the Great Hall...


	2. Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: the first segment discusses child abuse and the damage it does to a person's psyche. You can skip to "Present Day" to avoid it.

_**October 31, 1987** _

Something was wrong.

Jamie opened her eyes and saw the sunlight streaming through the cupboard door. Her heart dropped to the ground; somehow, _somehow_ , she had slept clear to the afternoon. She leapt up and banged her head against the ceiling. She bit her lip and kept moving - nothing mattered more than getting to the kitchen, fixing her mistakes and maybe just groveling if she was already too late to cook for the family. She pushed against the cupboard door and -

It was stuck.

She blinked and pushed harder. It barely budged. She heard something scrape against the floor and she froze - she'd be really in for it if she made scratches on the wood paneling.

She sat down on the hard floor and tried to slow down her breathing. She hated being locked in her cupboard - but if the Dursleys heard her freaking out, she knew it would only make it worse.

 _It's a Saturday_ , Jamie thought. _The Dursleys wouldn't be out to church, not that it's Easter or anything, and there's no way that they'd be able to make Dudley wake up without a ton of noise. Did I do something last night where they'd punish me?_ Her thoughts ran through the events of the last night for any transgressions. _Maybe they heard me snort when Aunt Petunia called Dudley her '_ handsome boy.'

Jamie breathed a sigh of relief. Just a punishment.

She crawled back into bed and pretended to go back to sleep. Her eyes were locked on the crack below the door, keen to spot the telltale shadow of an adult approaching her room.

An hour passed.

She had to stay quiet, or they wouldn't let her out.

Another.

She had to pee.

Jamie gritted her teeth and crawled to the door. "Aunt Petunia?" she called out. "Please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'll be good - please let me out."

Silence.

In fact, the silence seemed unfamiliar. Oppressive.

Dread was settling in her stomach. There was **no** way Dudley could keep quiet for this long. If this had been a punishment, he would have been by her door a dozen times by now, taunting her with pudding or slamming his hands against the door to scare her.

Something was wrong.

Jamie weighed the options quickly in her mind. She would get in trouble if she scuffed up the floor or broke whatever it was they were using to keep her locked in. She would get in trouble if she couldn't get to the WC in time. If she were going to get in trouble _anyway_ -

She pressed her shoulder against the door and pushed. It didn't budge.

Panicking now, she retreated as far back she could go in her cupboard and slammed into the door, using her shoulder as a battering ram. She heard a sickening crunch and pain flared through her. The door shifted slightly.

Tears streamed down her face. She ran toward the cupboard, this time launching head-first at the door-

The door and the chest of drawers in front of it flung back and crashed into the far wall with a thunderous boom. Jamie froze for one brief moment, her entire body pressed down against the floor. She never felt her head hit the door -

Then her body reminded her why she had been in a panic to begin with, and she rushed to the bathroom.

She sat down on the toilet seat. Tears started to drop, unbidden. She cried and cried and sobbed, using both hands to try to muffle the sound. She sat there for forty minutes as she tried to get a hold of herself. No one appeared, not to yell at her for hogging the room nor scold her for the terrible mess in the parlor. And slowly, she came to terms with reality. She stepped out with dry cheeks and cold acceptance.

She walked through every room of the house - the silent kitchen; Dudley's second bedroom, still full of broken toys; and the rooms she had been forbidden to ever enter - her Aunt and Uncle's bedroom, Dudley's bedroom, the 'nice' bathroom.

Empty.

She came back to the kitchen and found a note pinned to the fridge door. She read each word slowly.

_Freak,_

_We're free of you now._

_Good riddance to bad rubbish._

She put the note down on the counter in a daze. _Well,_ she thought.

_Now what?_

~*~

Jamie took stock of the things they had left behind. Some leftovers in the fridge, some old flour in the back of the cabinet, and... that was it. The food would have lasted the family for less than a week, but then again, she had never been a big eater. She could probably stretch that out to a month or maybe longer if she were careful.

Could she ask someone for help? For that matter, who would take in someone like her? Uncle Vernon had always told her that no one wanted freaks like her, that they put them down like dogs when they weren’t being protected by proper British citizens. How long could she stay like this before someone caught on and locked her away?

Tonight was Saturday, so she had a few days to get ready for school. That would be the first step to normalcy. And then, she promised to herself, she’d figure it out. Just one day at a time...

She dragged her bed out of the cupboard she hated so much. At first, in a fit of rebellion, she put her bed in the middle of her aunt and uncle's room. She couldn't keep it there, though - she couldn’t relax while every nerve in her screamed at her to get out before they returned. Finally, she dragged her bed into Dudley's second bedroom and closed the door. She shivered and cried but was able to sleep.

The next day passed in a blur and in no time at all it was time for school. She walked to school, her bag slung over her non-injured shoulder, and slid into her chair. She hoped no one would notice her.

Of course, with her luck, her homeroom teacher called upon her immediately.

"Harriet Potter?" Mr. Soikeli said.

She stood up next to her chair and wished she could sink through the floor. "Yes sir," she said.

"Your uncle let us know last month that he was pulling your cousin out of school by November," he said, frowning. "I thought that you would be going with him. Have they decided to keep you here instead?"

Harriet froze. Of course she knew no one could move houses on a whim, but hearing that they had planned to abandon her so long ago sent a chill down her spine.

"Harriet?"

She shook her head furiously. "Yes, sir. They decided - they decided it'd be best for me to stay here." Her words came out in a rush, fleeing her mouth. The lies tasted natural, and bitter.

"I see," her teacher said, "I'm keeping an eye on you, Harriet. Don't think you can cause more trouble just because your cousin isn't here to rein you in."

"Yes sir," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper. She sat back down.

~*~

Everything was wrong.

She had managed to remain undetected for several weeks now. She was always hungry. She could barely think without getting dizzy, forget studying for any of her classes - a teacher was bound to ask her to bring in her guardian any day now to talk about her falling grades. The city turned off the electricity to the house and Jamie lived in terror that they would send someone to see what the heck was going on with the vacant place. She only had two pairs of clothing for school that she wore every other day. She desperately wished every night that they’d be fresh, and somehow they would be by morning.

She stayed quiet through school hours, hoping that no one would notice her. It seemed to work for the most part - no one paid any attention to the troublemaker, except for one boy with messy brown hair who seemed to look for her every morning. She hoped that he would get bored soon.

Worst of all: no answer had ever come to her and things were only getting worse. She was running out of time.

Lunch hour was a new form of torture. She hid in the corner of the playground where no other kids ever came and hugged her knees to her chest. She listened to the bustle of kids getting their food.

_Would anything else really be worse than this?_

"There you are," a high pitched voice called out. "Are you all right?"

She looked up. Her eyes took a few moments to focus. It was the boy with the messy brown hair in her class that had started staring at her recently. He was holding a sandwich sealed in clingfilm.

“I’m fine,” she muttered automatically.

"Um, my mum made this for you," he said. He offered the sandwich to her. "Please. You're not eating, right? Please have it."

She reached out, snatched it and dug in. She felt a spike of shame eating so ravenously in front of him, but she couldn't help herself.

He sat down next to her and she flinched.

"I’m Hermes," he said. "Hermes Jean Granger, though some people say that's a girly middle name so I don't like it. It's French. You and I haven't spoken much, though we've been in the same class a couple times now, but honestly that's not all that surprising. I'm trying to get better about it - socializing, I mean - but I've never been really good at making friends, and well, I get a little bit shy. I know I can be overwhelming."

 _Um, wow,_ Jamie thought.

"You're Harriet Potter, right?"

She swallowed and swatted his upper arm. For once, the movement didn't make her feel dizzy. "Harriet **Jamie** Potter. My friends call me Jamie."

"Oh!" he said. "Sorry! I haven't heard anyone call you that before."

She wanted to crawl up into herself. "Well, I don't... have... friends."

Hermes was quiet.

"Jamie," he said.

Her head shot up.

"My mum asked me to bring you to talk to her. Would... would that be okay?"

Jamie was speechless. She swallowed. "Why?"

Hermes' face flushed. His hands started fidgeting with each other. "Oh, I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way... Um, I've been watching you, Jamie. And I don't really know what's going on in your life or what I can do to help, but I can tell that you're going through a really hard time, and I told my mum, she's a dentist - both my parents are, actually - and she can help. Not because she's a dentist - that's just, um - but because she's really nice. Please, can you trust me?"

Jamie studied the flustered boy in front of her.

For some reason, she really thought she could.

~/////////////////////~

_Present Day_

The train to Cambridge came on schedule for once. Jamie managed to get on without any trouble. It wasn't very crowded, and people gave her a wide berth when they took in her expression. It was a very carefully crafted look, perfected through hours of practice in front of the mirror in the Slytherin common room. It was quite perfect for times like these when a witch just wanted to be left alone.

Jamie sighed. She had been at the end of her rope when Hermes brought her to his home to meet the Grangers. And, of course, she had met Hermes at the same time. He had been so kind from the very beginning - kind and observant and smart. He had been the only one to see the desperation that had settled into young Jamie.

And therein lay the problem. He was so kind, and so much more besides.

Jamie laid her head against the window and stared out at the scenery beginning to pass by. Things had gone tits-up, hadn't they?

~*~

"She was so lost when I first met her."

"You know what, Hermes? I can't picture Jamie looking lost. I'm trying, mind you, but I can't conjure it up in my head," Neville said.

Hermes smiled wistfully. "I know. Doesn't it seem that has always been the way? But I suppose we're all more vulnerable when we're younger. Jamie hadn't learned about Voldemort-" Neville shuddered at the name, even though he had watched him die- "and she hadn't been in Slytherin. That changed her a lot."

Neville nodded thoughtfully. Now _that_ was easy to accept. A Slytherin had turned out to be the salvation of the wizarding world but prejudices born from generations could not be stamped out so easily. He looked at Hermes closely. "You seem remarkably put together for someone whose best friend slash Girl Who Lived With You for over ten years told him she loves him."

Hermes sighed. "I shouldn't have told you. It was personal, and…"

Neville placed a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Hey, I’m not judging either of you. Besides, I bet you could count the number of people who are friends with both of you on one hand. This is the sort of thing that you shouldn't keep in. You'll explode."

"Yeah," he said. He looked down. "I don't know how I can face her again."

Neville shrugged. "Maybe you don't have to worry about meeting her again, considering what she told you."

Hermes frowned at his friend. Neville raised his hands, palms up. “Okay, okay. Sorry, not the time for jokes. Of course you want to see her again.”

“She can’t have gone far,” Hermes said. “I created a tracing spell for this last year. We constantly used it so we could find each other even if we were separated. I could use that to - no, if she has any sense she would have deactivated them by now. I’m sure she’s trying to hide from me, the little idiot.”

Neville had a strange look on his face. “Do you love her?”

Hermes’ mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. Finally, he managed to eke out a “What?”

“It’s a simple question. Do you love her?”

Hermes blushed. “I don’t know? I don’t think so? I don’t know.”

Neville nodded. “Then why don’t you give her some space? I know neither of us are particularly good at this, but girls tend to be sensitive after baring their heart to a boy. At least, so I hear.”

“No,” Hermes said resolutely. “If I know her at all, and trust me I do, she’s using this to cover some big stupid plot to go hunt down Death Eaters or shatter some ancient indestructible curse or something stupid that she’s wrapped up in because of **course** fate would have it out for her.”

Hermes took a deep breath. His voice had started to go a little hysterical as he pondered the many possibilities and he really needed to calm down. _Jamie could have calmed you down_ , a treacherous inner voice whispered to him. He ruthlessly squashed it.

Neville’s eyebrow rose. “You don’t think it’s just a confession? Because I have to tell you, from what I’ve seen of you two over the years-”

“No,” Hermes repeated confidently. “I don’t doubt that she lov- “ his voice hitched - “she feels the way she does, but an emotional bombshell like this would be the exact sort of thing that she’d take advantage of to get what she wants. She’s a Slytherin for a reason.”

Neville rubbed his forehead, frowning. “Merlin, you two are **so** weird.”

“Hey!” Hermes protested. Neville laughed.

“Fine,” Neville said. “Then listen to this. ‘I don’t know’ is not good enough. You need to figure out your feelings and have your answer before you see her.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right,” Hermes said. He bit his lower lip as he fretted. “Whatever is going through her head, though, she needs my help. She shouldn’t have to face everything on her own, and I swore to myself she would never have to. I don’t know how long it will take to find her -she can be crafty, after all - so I should start the search right away. I can sort out my emotions later.”

“She’s the Witch Who Won, Hermes,” Neville said gently. “She beat You-Know-Who, one on one. We all saw her defeat dozens of Death Eaters afterwards. Think about it. Does she **really** need your help, or do you need to feel like she needs you?”

“I-” Hermes stammered. He shut his mouth.

“I’m not telling you this to be mean, honest I’m not,” Neville continued. “I just think you should sort your shite out before you go looking. You’ll look like a right idiot if you’re standing in front of her and don’t know what to say.”

Hermes sighed. "You're right."

Neville grinned. "Could you say that again, please? Louder for the cheap seats."

Hermes shoved Neville lightly. "Enjoy this moment, because it's never going to come around again."

”Get used to it," Neville said quickly. "You might be the densest smart wizard I've ever known."

"Like you're so smooth with the ladies?" Hermes scoffed.

Neville shrugged. “You missed a lot last year, Hermes. I’ve pulled lots of girls.”

“No!” Hermes gasped. “I don’t believe you.” Neville winked. Hermes studied his friend’s face. He shook his head. “No you haven’t. If you had, you’d hardly be bragging about it to me. You’re not the type.”

Neville rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine, you’re right.”

Hermes elbowed his friend in the side. “That’s a good thing, Nev. Merlin forbid we have another loudmouth in our dorm room. We have plenty already.”

“After a year like the one we just had,” Neville said, “I’d love to let go. They’re excellent at it.”

“Speaking of Dean and Ron and Seamus, we can’t ever let them know I had to have a heart to heart with you about _girl troubles_. We’d never live it down.”

Neville shrugged. “We just **fought a war** , Hermes, and we’re not even 19. There’s so much on us. We can talk about our troubles or go barmy, and I prefer the former.” Suddenly, Neville grinned. “Besides, the guys were down in the Common Room trying to figure out how to get up the girls’ stairs before we all leave for the last time. This is **much** less pathetic.”

Hermes smiled at the mental image. Their conversation turned to lighter topics, and soon their laughter echoed through the Gryffindor dorms. It was a welcome sound - one that had rarely graced the castle in the last year.

~*~

"Your ticket, ma'am?"

Jamie handed the man her ticket without answering and without a smile. He took the hint. As soon as he had verified Jamie's ticket, he handed it back and left the teenager alone to brood.

The problem really wasn't what to **do** now; she had planned things out to the letter. She had rented a flat last week by a Muggle university, where no one would take a second glance at a teenager going about by herself. She had researched and found a potion that would allow her to continually change her appearance if need be. (The thought that Hermes would have been proud flitted across her brain. It didn't hurt as much as it should have.) No one would be able to track her down.

Well. She couldn't underestimate Hermes. But hopefully, he would be too busy trying to find his parents and return their memories.

Jamie shouldered her bag and left the station. Her flat was only a few blocks away so she walked. She ran into college students celebrating their impending graduation with the traditional beer and more beer, and Jamie suppressed a smile. They had no idea how close they had all come to a quick demise under the rule of a maniacal Dark Lord. Of course, the memory of Voldemort wiped any trace of mirth in her.

She quickly made her way through the crowds and made it to her flat in no time. It was on par for the course of the night that the elevator was broken. She lugged her bag up five flights of stairs, wishing that she could cast a simple Wingardium Leviosa to help her way. She stood against the door and checked the four sets of wards she had set up the last time she was there; no one else had entered his place in a month. She entered and reset the security charms. She knew that some of the craziest Death Eaters were still on the loose, and there was no reason to make it _easy_ for them.

She placed her bags down in the middle of the living room and looked around. It was small, but she wasn’t planning on having company. The only furniture was a futon shoved against the corner of the living room. No telly, no Wizarding Wireless - not even any fun books to wile away her time. She had planned out her disappearance well, except for one thing - she never considered the emotional state she would be in. Some tasks to complete would have been nice - some chores to take her time and occupy her mind.

She opened her bag and glanced at the books she had stolen from the Restricted Section. If she could start her research now - but no, all they did was remind her of her grim future. The reason why she had to step away from her closest friend.

She sighed.

“Perhaps it’s been enough drama for one night,” she murmured.

Death-defying spells could wait until tomorrow.

She looked around. With that put aside, all there was left was: sleep.

But though she lay in her futon, sleep seemed impossible. It had been ever since the Last Battle. When she stared up at the ceiling, letting her mind wander where it would, she could hear Voldemort’s sickly cackle echoing through her mind. When she closed her eyes, she couldn’t help but bring up memories of her time with Hermes. They had been so happy.

She had ended that.

Still, between Hermes and Voldemort, it wasn’t a choice. She closed her eyes.

~/////////////////////~

**November 21, 1988**

"I hope you don't mind heading to France for the holidays. Mum and dad shouldn't have sprung it on you like that," Hermes said as they walked to school.

"I didn't mind," Jamie replied. "Your parents have been lovely to me. I'm just grateful they're taking me along with you. I hope I can repay them someday for all they've done."

Hermes waved the comment away. "I think they've always wanted another kid, but they just couldn't. Of course you'd come with us. They love you." Jamie didn't reply, and they were silent for a block. Hermes suddenly turned to Jamie. "Oh! Did you remember your library books? We have a little bit of time after class so I thought we could stop by. I know they're not due for a little bit, and I think we should get the next books in the series, but it's always a good idea to return things early if you're finished-"

"I did, Hermes, keep your pants on," Jamie interrupted, smiling.

Hermes stuck his tongue out at him childishly. "Make fun all you want, but it's not good to break promises. The due date for a library book is a promise between the library and us, for us to return the books by the time unharmed."

"Whatever you say, you gigantic nerd," Jamie said.

Hermes gasped. He reached over and roughed up her perpetually messy hair. There was a brief tousle as they tried to tickle the other and mess each other's hair. Finally, they broke off with an unspoken agreement to let each other be. They began walking towards school once more.

"Hermes?"

"Yes, Jamie?"

"I know it's really important to you, so... I promise I won't break my promises to you."

Hermes turned to her, beaming. "Really?"

"’Course."

They grinned at each other. They continued to walk toward their school, but Hermes could barely contain his happiness. He began to whistle - something he rarely did. Jamie gave him a sidelong glance but said nothing. After another few blocks, Hermes stopped to climb up on a nearby fencepost. Jamie looked on with amusement.

"What are you doing?" she asked, laughter lining her voice.

"Nothing," Hermes replied. He began to walk on the fence posts toward the school. A few moments passed with Hermes on the fence and Jamie below him on the street. Before they could go much further, Jamie walked up to him with hands raised.

"What?" Hermes asked.

"Help me up."

Hermes spluttered. "But- but you're wearing a skirt!"

"So?" Jamie said. "You look like you're having fun. I want to give it a try!" She stood on tiptoe and insistently pushed her hands toward him. Hermes helped her climb up. He watched as she walked unsteadily then rapidly gain confidence, jumping from post to post with ease.

"Cor," Hermes said, "you're the greatest girl in the world, Jamie."

She smiled brightly at him.

They jumped off the fence together and ran the rest of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> I started writing this fic back in 2002. I never finished it back then - shame on me - as I grew up, wrote other fic and got a little disillusioned.
> 
> 18 years later I found the barebones outline and decided to bring it back out to play. I'm updating it for the times - oh boy was I optimistic back then about Years 5- 7 - and having some fun with tropes that I've never explored. 
> 
> It feels a little weird to step back in to teenage me's head - it was just filled with kisses and angst, apparently - but I'm having a lot of fun! I hope I do justice to your concept, young me.
> 
> Thanks to - 
> 
> queenieofaces, for constantly pushing me to write again
> 
> arishatistic, for posting https://www.instagram.com/p/CAGXsnLB70A/ and sticking genderbent Harry/Hermione into my head until I finally had to write it
> 
> SweetShireen, for allowing me to steal her names for our golden pair
> 
> NAPPA, who beta read this fic originally
> 
> bernicci, who beta read this chapter
> 
> and
> 
> Ciel, for encouraging my everything
> 
> See you next time!


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